Difference

When I’m with him & his family, conversations are easy to carry. Jokes are light-hearted & easy to understand. There is very little to no miscommunication. Not very much judgement is passed. Everyone generally gets along very well. Though small arguments arise here & there, they know how to talk like equals. It’s nice.

Being with my family after seeing that, I notice that every day questions get lost in translation. Fights erupt quickly. Everyone has pride & an ego. There is no such thing as an equal. There is a child & a parent. Bigger & smaller. Older & younger. It’s not as nice.

We’re all at that age where change is very hard to come by. I really don’t think things will improve when it comes to the stuff that I just mentioned. I don’t really know what to do about it anymore. I mean, we love each other, that’s a given, but being able to talk on equal terms with my parents doesn’t seem like something that will happen any time soon. Or ever. I still don’t understand where all this resentment from everyone is coming from. As much I wish for it to just go away & for us to act like a “happy family”, life doesn’t work that way. 

At least I know how to not be when I have my own family.

Anxiety sucks.

Girls & guns

Bang bang.

Almost there

So today is the last official day of classes for me, & then we have the sweet, sweet Summer.

This year was rough. My course load wasn’t insane, but the actual course content was ridiculous. I ask myself so many times why I decided to go into this major, & I still can’t give myself a justified answer. This last semester specifically was hell. Some professors shouldn’t be professors and should just find another occupation. Don’t teach when you don’t know how.

There are certain people in my class who deserve a swift kick right in the ass. It’s like I’m back in highschool again. No, I don’t like him. Yes, you can talk to him. But can you try & remember your manners and fucking wait until our 5 minute conversation is over before you shove your fat ass in the middle of our discussion. Also, certain guys need more back bone. Yo, if you ask for my help, fine. But don’t waste my time by not knowing how to say “Wait a sec” to some dumbass who just wants to twirl her hair in front of you. I’m busy & I got places to go.

Looking into the future I still have no fucking idea what I’m doing. More school? Find a “real” job? It sucks when my decisions aren’t solely determined on what I want but by the financial stand point of my family. I’m still trying to figure things out.

I do know one thing though: this is going to be the best fucking Summer of my life. I’ve weeded out the bad and know who the real people are that I need in my life. It don’t hurt that he’s by my side either.

2 weeks ‘til freedom aka comatose-ing in bed because of too much sushi & playing video games so much my eyes start to burn.